25: The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory

"I've been listening to a lot of polyamory podcasts lately..." -- me, to my boyfriend of four years just a few weeks ago. 

Needless to say, I was met with a bit of a side eye. But I don't blame him. The traditional, heterosexual, two-person monogamous relationship model has been bashed into our cultural psyche for generations. And despite our incredibly high divorce rate (and even higher infidelity rate), we as a culture still cling to the notion that romantic love = two people = soul mates = forever = happily ever after amen. If we really love someone, we'll be totally satisfied, have all our needs met, and never ever desire anyone else ever. Right? Right? Right?

Crickets.

Enter: Dedeker Winston. Polyamorous woman, podcaster, author, public speaker, relationship coach, and hellasmart badass feminist babe. Lindsay and I were introduced to Dedeker via Rachel Krantz, who you'll fondly remember from Episode 21: All Kinds of Honesty. The polyamory podcast I've been listening to is hers, and it's fabulous: MULTIAMORY. For someone like me, who's endlessly curious about different models of living, it's a must-listen. There are so many misconceptions about "Alternative Relationship Models" and those who enjoy them. Most of those assumptions are sex negative, homophobic, sexist, and sprout from deep fear and insecurity of the unknown. But in reality, the polyamorous community has some real interesting shit figured out.. shit the rest of fumble on the daily. As you'll hear from Dedeker, living a healthy poly lifestyle requires earnest and brutally honest self-reflection, bravery, compassion, and a deep understanding of what purpose your relationships are truly serving in your life. It requires asking the tough questions, and trusting that you're strong enough to make it to the other side.

But don't let me tell you about it. Let Dedeker.

If you want to know more (I know you do), check out Dedeker's new book, The Smart Girl's Guide to Polyamory. It's a wonderful resource for any type of relationship you're in. Especially your relationship with yourself.

Enjoy, clams!

xo, Angela

Angela Gulner